Monday, June 15

Happy Pappy's Day

Dear Dad,

Thanks for the topical quote, I'm never quite sure if our fans "get" our blog,... but it's obvious that you've captured our spirit. We always appreciate the participation of our fans in our never-ending silliness and Shenanigan-ery. So here we go...

"Always" and "Never" are two words you should always remember never to use. - Wendell Johnson

First of all - I could never embrace an "absolute" as a rule,... as this always makes my Libertarian hackles bristle. However, on the other hand, I have always thought that on selected occurrences, one can never refute the usefulness of some hard and fast rules, thereby avoiding considerable pain & suffering. Surely you will never forget some of our "adventures" where the following axioms might have come in handy:

1) Always exit a canoe carefully, especially if you are in the front.
2) Always remember to pack your Dad's sleeping bag, otherwise you may be sharing yours.
3) Never try to replace "Seagram's 7" with Cinnamon-Lavoris Mouthwash.
4) Always hang the Bird Suet Feeder higher than the dog can jump.
5) Always secure the trash can lids tightly, because dogs love the taste of Hershey's Instant Chocolate.
6) Never purchase an Automatic Transmission VW Bug. (Just don't do it.)
7) Never open a sun roof after or during a snow storm.
8) Never lock your knees if you about to Hyperventilate.
9) Never break the septic pipe going from the tank to the distribution fields,.. you might not enjoy fixing it.

(Truth be known, all of the lines above just might have their own "Canard or Caper",... but I'll never tell).

Happy Father's Day Dad.
You've never deserved it more.


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